Sunday, May 08, 2005

Oh Yay, it's Mother's Day

See that's the problem with computers. It's very hard to bring across that hint of sarcasm. So yeah, it's Mother's day, and yes my hubby, after working overnight and getting home at 5am, after getting a ticket trying to get me blueberry muffins from Dunkin Donuts, woke me up to tell me he was taking Evan out to breakfast so I could sleep. So why am I not happy? I guess holidays will just never be "happy". Oh trust me, when dh put Evan on the bed this morning and he crawled up to me with that huge grin that lights up his entire face, I was happy, but it is never TOTAL happiness. It's never COMPLETE. It's never RIGHT. Does any of that make sence?

I am so blessed this Mother's day. I am blessed with a wonderful husband that would do absolutely anything for me in this world. I am blessed to have Evan here on earth with me. To hear his giggles, his screams of excitement. I am blessed with each smile that lights up those beautiful sparkling eyes. And most of all I am blessed to be the mother to BOTH of my boys. No, I didn't ALWAYS look at Caleb as a blessing. Not when I was in the throws of those first days and months of grief. I always knew that he was a blessing, even if he wasn't allowed to stay with us on earth, but I couldn't FOCUS on that. I was too busy being pissed off that he was taken from us when there are so many other people out there that are allowed to have baby after healthy (living) baby just to abuse or abandon them. And you know what, I am STILL pissed off by that. But I also know that I am so proud of Caleb. Why wouldn't you be proud of your child? He was perfect, just not breathing.

You know I gotta give my hubby credit. He does his best. He really tried to make Mother's Day special. And it IS special. Each day I get to spend with my family is incredibly special. I know that it could be taken from me in the blink of an eye. With all of that being said........gonna go squeeze my boy. Hope you all have a peaceful Mother's Day.


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