Alot to think about...

So Billy looked at me tonite and told me he wants another baby. That he's "ready". It's funny because I have been thinking of ttc again ALOT lately. But am I ready to take that all on again? Part of my hesitation is that I really don't know what the Doctor situation will be like up here. We never lived near a Naval Hospital before now so we could go to whatever Doctors that we wanted. I had an AMAZING doctor with Caleb, and I stayed in SC longer so I could have her for my pregnancy with Evan. It was important to me to have a doctor that "understood" why I was terrified of my baby dying. I needed a doctor that understood why I was so paranoid. But now that we have moved I face the situation of not knowing what kind of doctor I will have. The first ob I had with my miscarriage (I had a m/c at 10 weeks in December of 2000) had the compassion of a cactus. She was horrible, and I can't take that. I don't know if I will be considered high risk by another doctor since Caleb's death was an accident. I NEED non stress tests and extra visits and ultrasounds to keep my sanity (or what's left if it) and I just don't know if I will get that here.

So now he has me thinking. Is this really something we are ready to take on? We have always gotten pg INSANELY easy, and I can't rely on that happening again, BUT we can't not prevent if we aren't really ready. Well I just started a new pack of pills, so I guess I at least have a month to think about it. Or maybe obsess is a better word?????