Monday, May 09, 2005

14 months

My beautiful Evan is 14 months old today. Where did those 14 months go? Where did that tiny little baby go? It is amazing how much he has grown, how much he has changed. I look at him in awe. He is actually MINE. It is so hard to believe sometimes. I still expect someone or something to take him from me. I still wait for it all to come crashing down. It did once, so what stops it from happening again?

Caleb would have been 14 months old when Evan was born. It is so hard to imagine how I would have handled a newborn AND a toddler. I just can't picture it in my head. But I also know that I would have been a different mother completely if Caleb had lived. I probably wouldn't have nursed either baby, and I probably would have gone back to work. I don't think I ever totally realized how precious life truely is. I just wish my wake up call didnt have to be so extreme.

I do, however truely believe that even if Caleb had lived we STILL would have had Evan. I have heard so many angel moms tell me that if they had not lost their baby they would not have their subsequent babies. I don't think that is the case. I think that Evan was MEANT to be. And I think that he would have been added to our family at the same time too. Billy DID just get back from war after all.

Well we are off to find Evan's new doctor. Off to the Naval hospital to see how things work basically. This should be fun.


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