Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I have started to post at least 15 times, and each time, I delete it. So here's the question: PPD or just typical exhaustion?? What do you think?

-I am feeling overwhelmed by everything. The house needs to be cleaned, but I don't know where to start, so I DON'T start at all. Then I am disgusted by how trashed the house is. We need groceries, but the thought of dealing with the grocery store is too much, so I just don't go.
-Lauren is a really needy baby. She cries. ALOT. At least once a day for the last week and a half, I have held her while we both sobbed hysterically. I feel like a horrible mother because I can't figure out how to calm her down, or fix it.
-I constantly feel judged. Dh asked me if I had a bottle for her (I had pumped a couple of times to have a stand-by bottle or 2) and I took that to mean that he was implying I was starving her because I was not feeding her right that second. Again, I was turned into a sobbing mess.
-I'm moody. Severely. I will snap at dh over the tiniest thing.

The thing is, Lauren is not a good sleeper at all. She won't go to sleep before 1am. (she wakes up around 10pm, and will cluster feed, and catnap from then until 1) Then she is usually up around 3, and doesn't go back to sleep until 4. Then she will be up again at 6. Evan wakes up at 7:30, which gives me very little sleep each night. So far, the kids are not napping at the same time, so I can't even catch up then. When dh is working, I have NO help because his schedule is so weird. So yeah, exhaustion is definately a good possability.

At this point, I am waiting to see how I feel at my 6 week follow up appointment, and if I am still overwhelmed, I will mention it to my dr then. (my appointment is only a week and a half away) If things get worse, of course I will call, but right now, I am just going to wait and see.


At 10:00 AM, Blogger Catherine said...

I don't know. It could be either. I only have two suggestions...
~Don't worry about the house. In the grand scheme of life, this period is really so short. Having a dirty house for a few months isn't going to kill anyone.
~Send DH to the store. No matter his work schedule, he can pick up some groceries on his way to/from.
You're doing great and you will make it through. {{{hugs}}}

At 3:20 PM, Blogger Maggie said...

No matter how grand otherwise, life sucks if you're not getting any sleep. Catherine's suggestions are great, plus try manipulating baby's sleeping times so she isn't waking up at 10 pm but going down then. You may have to make the change in 15 min per day increments, but it will be worth it. Good luck!

At 3:39 PM, Blogger Rosepetal said...

It sounds very exhausting and sleep deprivation never made anyone feel better. (((Hugs)))

At 6:43 PM, Blogger delphi said...

I think your plan sounds reasonable. Combined with the suggestions mentioned by others, you might have a better idea by your 6 week appointment. I hope things improve for you, and soon!

As far as PPD, if you have it, you should be able to get help since you have recognized the symptoms early on. That's good, even though having it would suck!

At 12:17 AM, Blogger Brenda said...

Firstly, forget the house. It will still be there in a few weeks time.

I think maybe get a check up just incase. better to know all is ok than leave it till its way out of hand.

Hug hugs to you

At 5:00 AM, Blogger lauralu said...

you sound like i felt. i should have talked to my dr about it, but i didn't, which was dumb and painful. if it will help you either get some relief or just be relieved that you're okay, why not call the dr? no sense in suffering needlessly!

At 5:53 AM, Blogger Jill said...

My eldest was a terrible sleeper and I think, in retrospect, the exhaustion morphed into PPD. I wish I'd realised it at the time.

Don't be afraid to get help with this because it could make a difference to you long term.

Do you have access to a sleep clinic at all? They can teach Lauren how to sleep if you are so worn out that you cannot bear the emotional and physical burden any longer. Good luck Julie, I truly understand how wretched this is for you ((hugs))

At 10:11 PM, Blogger pipsylou said...

I could have written this post myself...

and the grocery store? HA!


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