Settling in to the new norm

Things are going well so far. Mom had to leave Sunday morning to deal with drama back home, and the inlaws left Sunday afternoon. That left dh and I on our own to figure out how our new family works. So far, things aren't bad. Evan seems to be adjusting well, even with Grandma gone (we thought my mom leaving would be the worst for him since he ADORES Grandma). He loves baby Lauren. He wants to hold her constantly and hug her and kiss her. He doesn't seem to resent her at all. He is totally fascinated by her and watches her every move. It is absolutely adorable.

The breastfeeding is going well too. She is just like Evan, and figured the whole thing out right away. She looks like she is starting to gain a little weight in her fingers and legs. So far, so good.

It amazes me how much like Evan she looks. Which also means she looks just like Caleb. I noticed Evan and Lauren both have the same exact mark on their right ear. Exact. Which of course makes me wonder if Caleb had it too. I have no idea. I didn't look at him close enough. I have thought of him constantly in the last week. I watch how Evan is as a big brother, and wonder how Caleb would have adjusted to Evan when he was born. It brings back all of those questions that will never get answered, and again, I am reminded of how cheated we all were. Dh and I were cheated, but so were our other kids, and it kills me.

I have already had to hear how we have the "perfect" family now. One boy and one girl. I heard it a few times when I was pg, and people asked what we were having, but then, the day that Lauren was born, my *Dr* said it. Before I met this dr, the nurse told me that the dr had been informed of my history and how Caleb died. Well, when Lauren was born, and the dr was about to leave, she came to me and congratulated me, and then she said how she could not imagine what we had been through, and how sorry she was that we had lost our first child, and then went on to say, "But now you have the perfect family, a boy and a girl." WHAT????

But we are all adjusting, and so far so good. Dh is on leave until the 27th, so I still have lots of help. We will see how positive I sound when I face those first days on my own. The mere thought of it is enough to make me panic.