Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Settling in to the new norm

Things are going well so far. Mom had to leave Sunday morning to deal with drama back home, and the inlaws left Sunday afternoon. That left dh and I on our own to figure out how our new family works. So far, things aren't bad. Evan seems to be adjusting well, even with Grandma gone (we thought my mom leaving would be the worst for him since he ADORES Grandma). He loves baby Lauren. He wants to hold her constantly and hug her and kiss her. He doesn't seem to resent her at all. He is totally fascinated by her and watches her every move. It is absolutely adorable.

The breastfeeding is going well too. She is just like Evan, and figured the whole thing out right away. She looks like she is starting to gain a little weight in her fingers and legs. So far, so good.

It amazes me how much like Evan she looks. Which also means she looks just like Caleb. I noticed Evan and Lauren both have the same exact mark on their right ear. Exact. Which of course makes me wonder if Caleb had it too. I have no idea. I didn't look at him close enough. I have thought of him constantly in the last week. I watch how Evan is as a big brother, and wonder how Caleb would have adjusted to Evan when he was born. It brings back all of those questions that will never get answered, and again, I am reminded of how cheated we all were. Dh and I were cheated, but so were our other kids, and it kills me.

I have already had to hear how we have the "perfect" family now. One boy and one girl. I heard it a few times when I was pg, and people asked what we were having, but then, the day that Lauren was born, my *Dr* said it. Before I met this dr, the nurse told me that the dr had been informed of my history and how Caleb died. Well, when Lauren was born, and the dr was about to leave, she came to me and congratulated me, and then she said how she could not imagine what we had been through, and how sorry she was that we had lost our first child, and then went on to say, "But now you have the perfect family, a boy and a girl." WHAT????

But we are all adjusting, and so far so good. Dh is on leave until the 27th, so I still have lots of help. We will see how positive I sound when I face those first days on my own. The mere thought of it is enough to make me panic.


At 3:39 AM, Blogger Brenda said...

I'm so glad things are all going well now that you are' home alone'.


At 9:10 AM, Blogger Maggie said...

There will always be idiots who say thoughtless things. They are probably lucky people who have no clue what it's like to be missing a child. So many people have told me I was so smart to space my children five years apart. I usually let them know that it wasn't "smart," it was the death of one child and a miscarriage that did it. There isn't any such thing as a perfect family. We get what we get and need to rejoice in it for what it is. But your joy in your new baby quite naturally recalls all you've missed with Caleb. Completely normal. Congratulations on your new daughter. May you all be blessed.

At 12:24 PM, Blogger kate said...

Sounds good!

That was a particularly dumb thing for the OB to say, sheesh. I mean, really. Sheesh.

And pictures, we want more pictures!

At 12:32 PM, Blogger Anam Cara said...

Yeah, I get the "perfect family" thing all the time from people who know my story. Whatever.

Glad all is well so far. Hope it stays that way!!

At 9:53 PM, Blogger lauralu said...

i understand the frustration of the people who don't get it. my own ob said to me, seconds after milo's birth, "it's been a long time coming, hasn't it?" as though i had been pregnant with milo for the last two years. dumb. all of your kids will always be what makes up your family.

At 1:10 PM, Blogger niobe said...

When people say thoughtless things to me, I'm always torn between wanting to make a snarky remark that will make them realize what a horrible thing they just said and letting it go, on the theory that they probably just weren't thinking.

In your case, however, if someone who knew the situation told me that I had the "perfect" family now, I'd probably look them in the eye, smile oh-so-sweetly and say "Well, actually, not quite."

However, I'm sure you're a much nicer person than I am.

Congratulations on your adorable daughter.


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