Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I got a bottle of wine in the fridge, just in time for the pity party. I have every intention of drinking it tonite. Ok, well not all of it, because I am a REALLY cheap drunk, and it's just me and Evan tonite. I won't get more than a buzz because if something happens, I have to be able to keep him safe, and we all know how great I am at keeping my kids safe........ (and of course, I wont touch the wine until he goes to bed)

Let's face it, I am depressed as hell. I am tired of being lonely, but dont feel like being around people either. At least not the people I know around here. I don't have the energy to be around people I have to pretend in front of. I am not happy, and I am sick or pretending I am. I miss my son every single day. I miss my family, and the one friend I had that got it. The one friend I have that considers my kids (yes, both of them) HER kids too. Instead I am stuck with superficial mom's and playgroups where the moms all sit around and talk about what horrible parents everyone else is. I can't keep Evan locked up in the house, and I want him to be around other kids because he loves them so much, but it's absolute torture for me. I am so tired of being so tired. I have no motivation to do anything. I am so tired of this being MY life.


At 8:55 PM, Blogger lauralu said...

well, you have us out here, but i do understand that we aren't the same as being there. isolation is so tough, and combined with depression (because that is what's going on, isn't it?) it must seem insurmountable. you deserve better than what you're experiencing, julie. you deserve whatever help you need to get through this, and there is help to be had. hang in there, and keep talking. if you want to talk more, e-mail me at l l e w i s c l e (at) g m a i l (dot) c o m. much love to you, julie.

At 12:37 PM, Blogger MB said...

Julie, I'm sorry. It does suck. Laura's right, it's not the same, but anytime, day or night. thevegasbaums(@) I'll e-mail my phone number if you want.


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