Still breathing

We survived yet another holiday. Actually it wasn't all bad. I guess I am getting used to not having Caleb here with us for each holiday that passes. I SHOULD be used to it. I mean it has been over 3 years without him. I am used to it, but in no way am I ok with it. I still hate it with everything in me. It's not right, and I hate it.

This was my first real holiday away from my family. It really had me down the past few days. I cooked a huge meal, and it turned out edible (my first attempt at turkey since I hate ham). Actually it was GOOD. The Easter Bunny came last night and hid eggs for Evan, and brought him a little wooden Thomas train, a Little Quack book, and a bubble mower. And of course candy. I barely got him down the stairs this morning before he saw his basket sitting in the middle of the living room and tried to dive out of my arms. He ran straight to it, as happy as he could be, before I could get the camera ready. He totally forgot being sick, and it was great. He ate 4 peices of chocolate and no breakfast. Gotta love holidays. It took him no time at all to figure out those eggs had candy in them. He absolutely loves the bubble mower, and pushed it around the house all day. We got to take him outside for a little while after his nap so he could push the mower and watch the bubbles come out. It was so great to see him so happy after being sick for the last week.

I woke up with cramps this morning, so chances are this was not our month either. I am so tired of this ttc crap. I was so hopeful for this month, but now, my hopes are pretty much shattered, yet again. AF isn't here yet, but I am sure she is coming. Stupid hag.

But we made it through the holiday, and that's a start. Not that we had a choice.