Sunday, August 27, 2006

I Hate the Doppler

I have tried to come post a couple of times, but Blogger just wouldn't let me. Don't ya just love it?

Anyway, I knew better than to mention the lack of bleeding or spotting, because as soon as I did, it started again. It hasn't gotten worse, so it really doesn't worry me much. I think it annoys me more than anything else.

I got the doppler Wednesday, and found the hb IMMEDIATELY. Found it immediately on Thursday too. Friday night when I checked, I couldn't find it. I thought I heard it for a second, but I am not totally sure. I know I heard movement though (I even double checked the cd that came with the doppler to make sure that was movement that I heard). I was scared, but it was Friday night, so there wasnt much I could do. I convinced myself that the baby has just changed position and went to bed (and had wonderful dreams of dead babies). The next morning I checked for the hb again, and couldn't find it. I am not sure I heard movement either. It could have been because the baby was asleep, or it could be because the baby is gone. FUCK.

I haven't touched the doppler since. I am not sure I will. I am strongly considering just sending the damn thing back. I don't see the point in checking for the hb again today because honestly, if it's too late, it's too late, and there is nothing anyone can do. I am nervous about the whole thing, but not terrified. I don't really have a feeling of dread, and I dont feel like it's all over at this point, but I could be so horribly wrong. I just can't get that out of the back of my head. It could be too late.

I really thought that maybe this pg would be different. I was so scared the entire time with Evan. I guess I thought I would be able to be more positive this time since I have managed to have one living baby, but I think this time might be worse. This just totally sucks.

9 Comments:

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Kathy McC said...

Oh, Julie, I am sorry you're going through the uncertainty, and I know the bleeding doesn't help matters. I would say "Oh I am sure everything is fine" but I know that doesn't help. Just wanting to give you big (((hugs))).

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Catherine said...

I wish I could say something meaningful here...but I've got nothing more than cheesey internet hugs.

{{{hugs}}}

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger delphi said...

This is all so horribly difficult.

I don't what to do about the Doppler, one way or another, but I am unable to find anything with it. I am at a bad angle. My husband can find the hb almost immediately.

I'm thinking of you...

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Oh Julie. I hope in my heart that the baby is just pulling his/her first fast one on you and has turned around. And that's what I believe, too.

(((((hugs)))))

 
At 5:22 PM, Blogger lauralu said...

oh, the doppler is a double-edged sword, isn't it? thinking of you and hoping for the best.

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger vixanne wigg said...

Oh crap. I'm sorry. I really hope the baby is just being difficult. Seriously....I am really hoping everything is okay.

 
At 5:03 AM, Blogger Jill said...

Hoping for the best for you. Even with a baby that never moved from the one spot I still couldn't always find her. It's still early days for the doppler to be consistent. Just want it to be ok Julie. (((hugs)))

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger SaraS-P said...

Hoping baby was just hiding.

 
At 8:10 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

I hope things are better than they appear.

 

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