"Keep me, protect me, share me, and I will live forever."

Thanks Kodak. Now I am weepy.

Has anyone seen that commercial? The one with the man in the gallery with all of the kids and he is asking him if they can hear the pictures? "They are saying keep me. Keep me, protect me, share me, and I will live forever." And the next shot is of an older man looking at a photo of what we can assume is his wife (or the love of his life). I bawl EVERY time.

We got our Christmas tree tonite. We managed to put it up without too much trouble. Evan even helped decorate it. It had about 5 ornaments on one poor little branch. (Dh took them all off before I could get a picture.) Evan then decided it would be so much more fun to throw the ornaments across the room, squealing "BALL!" over and over. God I love that kid. (And they were plastic) Going through the ornaments each year is so hard. There are SO many ornaments that people gave to us when we were pregnant with Caleb. He was due in January, so alot of our Christmas of 2002 revolved around him. There were "Expectant parents" ornaments, and baby's first Christmas. There were at least 5 of them. 2003 we didn't put up a tree, so by 2004 when we got out the tree, we ran across all of those ornaments we had totally forgotten, and that December came flooding back. Just like it did again tonite. I am ok with it. I am not ok with Caleb not being here, but what choice do I get? I have learned to live for Evan. I will not cheat him out of the life he deserves. And Evan DOES make me truely happy. But there is always that underlying sadness. That "what if" just under the surface.

And it's December again, and I am reliving it all. The last month of my innocence, 3 years ago..........