Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Paranoia and Discouraging Thoughts

I was ok with this whole ttc thing. I knew it wouldn't really happen the first month we tried (like it has for the last 3 times). I knew that we couldn't really expect that again. Now here I sit, 5 months later trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I always had an insanely predictable cycle. 28 days (NEVER longer) with O pains, etc. on day 14. Now lets be honest here. With IM living here, it wasn't like we had a chance to put everything we had into ttc. Not only that, but this has not been the best few months between dh and I. There was a month (September maybe?) where we decided to put ttc on hold. And then there is his work schedule. But damn it, this month I thought for sure we had it. Now FF doesn't think I O'd when I thought I was going to, and now our chances look pretty much shot to hell. And that is IF I even O'd at all. This cycle AND last I got the dotted coverline. So now my mind is going a million miles an hour trying to figure out what the problem is. Could it be the year of birth control pills (I had never been on any form of BCP until after Evan was born). Or maybe the year of breastfeeding?? I KNOW 5 months isn't long at all. I KNOW this, but I still can't help but wonder what the hell is going on.

2 Comments:

At 12:39 PM, Blogger kate said...

I don't know but i am thinking of you and hoping for the best! Yes, i think that BCP can play some good havoc with your hormones. And stress for sure. Even without considering your time with dh, having IM there was such a huge stressor....and now you are coming into a time of big stress too, with the holidays and Caleb's b-day coming up. If FF is driving you crazy maybe you should not chart for a month, to give yourself a mental break from that?

 
At 12:13 AM, Blogger lauralu said...

i know grief threw off my cycles this summer, and i used to be as regular as could be, too. hang in there.

 

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