Wednesday, November 09, 2005

My in laws are coming this weekend. Woo freaking hoo. You see, these are the grandparents I was refering to when it comes to not aknowledging Caleb. I can get along with them, and even like them at times, but there are other times that make me want to kill them. (Laura, I tried to respond to you in my comments section the other day, but it erased my comment) It just sucks that Caleb's own grandparents pretend he doesn't exist. I think it's just how mil deals with things that are painful. She ignores them, and upps her dose of prozac (not that I have a problem with prozac, I was on it for awhile myself). I think she did this same thing when her mom died. I have tried to give them pictures of Caleb, but they don't want them. My mom has pictures of Caleb every where in her house. My inlaws have this horrible habit of saying things like "If you ever decide to have a second child". Ummm yeah, we did that already. He's now 20 months old. There are some things that my mil did to me that I am not totally sure I will ever totally forgive. When I was in the hospital pushing Caleb out, mil walked (more like marched) into the room, and exclaimed loudly "I can't do this!" and marched out. I don't think she ever even saw Caleb, and I know fil just looked over dh's shoulder at him. Neither one of them held him. I know she saw him in his casket, but that was it. She alo told me that having pictures of him up in my house wasn't healthy. He's my SON damn it, not some horrible monster. It's all I have of him. If I ever mention him, she quickly changes the subject.
But she is Evan's grandma too, so I tolerate her. And can even like her at times. I just really wish that she would treat Caleb with the respect he deserves.

We took Evan to the park today. We went to a different one than usual and he had a blast. On the way back, my check engine light came on in the van. Good thing that dh was taking it in tomorrow anyway to get a recall fixed, but I am still pissed. I have had the van for 4 months. I just hope like hell it's not something WE have to pay for. We are BROKE. I am trying to figure out how to make this month's payment on the damn thing as it is.

I need to get a job. I know this. But I can't put Evan in daycare. Oh and there is the slight issue of the panic attacks I have when I have to deal with the public. I don't know what the hell to do. Maybe play the lottery? Haha. I posted a resume, and realized I am insanely under qualified for everything. I did get a call today from someone that saw my resume though (I posted it on the local newspaper's website). Its an alarm company. The job would be going door to door selling alarm systems to homesowners and businesses. Umm no thank you. If you are looking to buy an alarm system, you don't wait for someone to knock on your door. And I have the feeling that the job would be straight commission. Again I say, no thank you.

IM totalled her car. I am not sure if Austin was in the car, but I doubt it. (He would have to be WITH her for that) She hit someone. Fucking whore is always screwing up someone's life isn't she?


At 3:54 AM, Blogger Anam Cara said...

Oh Julie, I hope Austin wasn't with his mother when she had the accident. She is a piece of work! I also hope this weekend will be tolerable for you. My in-laws don't have any pictures of Thomas and they also didn't want to see him or hold him, so they didn't. I am still very hurt by that. And the comment "if you ever decide to have a second child" - wow. A friend of mine said something the other day to me about "when number 2 come along" and I was floored! How can people say things like that??????
Sorry you have so much shit to put up with. Thinking of you though and wishing you peace. (((hugs)))

At 7:41 AM, Blogger Kathy McC said...

Your MIL sounds a lot like my mother. It's horrible to have to deal with people like that, especially when they are family. I don't understand why they can't stop and think about someone else besides themselves...

I am sorry for what you're going through. (((hugs)))

At 9:11 AM, Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

My husband has two grandmothers with night-and-day attitudes too. When my MIL was giving birth to him, they botched the delivery (understaffed military hospital during wartime) and she nearly died. She and the baby were in the hospital for months afterward. This was in Florida. Her OWN mother didn't drive three hours to see her, but HER MIL took the fourteen-hour trip to be with her.

Is your husband one of many kids? My MIL is one of seven, and her mother started very young. This might sound cold, but DH's grandmother reminds me of an animal who had her litter and then walked away. She doesn't care if any of her grandkids get married or have kids or anything like that. As I cited above, she didn't even seem to care that her own daughter was near death whilst having a child who also nearly died.

It sounds crazy to us but we've seen it in our own lives. Some people just aren't wired to care, or are so self-centered... well, same result. (This also seems to define IM. Do NOT, under any circumstances, allow her to ride with you guys to work, or Austin to daycare.)

At 9:20 AM, Blogger Julie said...

Lorem, dh is the older of 2 kids (one boy and one girl). I think my mil was raised in a very strict environment where emotions weren't dealt with, but I am not totally sure, she just doesn't talk about it. And don't worry, dh knows he will be killed if he goes NEAR IM anytime soon. He went outside to smoke last night, but came right back in because she was down there. I don't expect that to last, but I do think he gets the way I feel about it. Oh and she has a rental car for now (not sure how long that will last)

At 3:01 PM, Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

You know - that makes me think. DH's grandmother (the one with the seven kids) was raised in an orphanage. She was given up when she was a bit older because it was the Depression and her parents couldn't afford to keep her (kind of like the jockey in 'Seabiscuit'). So a strict environment certainly comes into play there, as well as don't-get-too-close-you-might-get-hurt emotions. That's my guess.

At 11:27 PM, Blogger lauralu said...

well, all you can do is make caleb available to them.

i hope you win the lottery, but if not, i hope you find a nice job with which you are comfortable that works for your family life. and if you do win the lottery, i hope you remember the little people out here.


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