Thursday, September 07, 2006


There was a post on one of the message boards I post on last night that was like a slap in the face. Its a message board where I post with other March 2004 moms, and they all know about Caleb. I have posted with these women for a long time, and I can say they have been nothing but supportive over the last 2 years I have been with them. Last night though, I went to check the messages, and there was this post.

"guys- i am beyond devastated. my fil wife's water broke this afternoon and she lost the baby. she was 22 weeks and it looks like her placenta ruptured. she is being induced as we speak and has to deliver the baby vaginally. she is on a pitocin drip. i cannot believe they did not knock her out. can you imagine being in l and d, hooked up to pit waiting to deliver a baby that will never take its first breath??? according to the drs the baby was "healthy". please say some prayers for her since she is obviously heartbroken. she is 38 and fil is 61. i doubt they will try again. all she wanted was to be a mom."

Ummm yeah, I can imagine. In fact, I have been there, done that. For 11 of the 18 hours of labor with Caleb, I knew he was gone. Basically, I posted back "Yeah, I can imagine." and then I told her how sorry I was for her family, and also told her if there was anything I could do, to please let me know. Then I also emailed her a list of resources from Kate.

I knew this girl meant NOTHING by it. She is one of the sweetest people, but that post just HIT me. She is usually very compassionate, but just wasn't thinking. She posted back and apoligized to me, and then emailed me privately too. I was just really surprised by her saying that, especially since her big brother was stillborn in the 60's.

Kind of makes you wonder how many stupid, hurtfull things we have all said without really thinking.


At 8:53 AM, Blogger Catherine said...

Oh, I KNOW I say stupid things all the time. And having lost children doesn't make me immune from putting my foot directly in my mouth.

"I can't imagine" is one of my pet peeve phrases. I ought to be eliminated from all languages. You can't imagine? Why not? Imagine it...maybe it will help you find some empathy. ( rant there)

At 10:52 AM, Blogger delphi said...

Yeah, I would have to say that "I can't imagine" is one of the things that really gets under my skin, too. Actually, you can imagine, you just can't KNOW what it feels like.

There is something about that phrase that says to me "I am just glad it isn't happening to me".

And, yeah, I still stick my foot in it...

At 12:49 PM, Blogger kate said...

i actually much prefer 'i can't imagine' to it's opposite. 'i can imagine' or 'i know what you are going through', are somehow worse. Especially when the person saying them often really *can't*.


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