Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Attached or Detached?

I noticed a few days ago that the kids had different earlobes. (Yes, it's probably weird, I know) Evan's are attached, and Lauren's are detached. I couldn't remember how dh's were, but mine are detached. Well, when I finally thought if it with dh around to check, I realized he has attached earlobes. I thought it was really interesting how one of the kids took after me, and one took after him. Then he mentioned it. "I wonder how Caleb's were."
The thing is, I can't remember. And you can't tell in any of the pictures. They put a hat on him when he was born, and pretty much kept one on him beacuse "it looked better that way" (someone told us to try to pick an outfit with a hat to bury him in because they look better in hats. The funeral director maybe?). There is one picture of him with no hat on, and it looks like his earlobes are probably attached, but you can't be certain. I just hate that we didn't know to look for little things like that. We didn't think to memorize his entire body, head to toe to make future comparisons, and we had no one to tell us we needed to. I wish we had had more guidence in the whole situation. It seemed like everyone was afraid to suggest things to us, and we NEEDED it at that point. But how do you get a lifetime of memories in a matter of hours? How do you prepare to never see someone again? How do you not miss out on a little detail? I never imagined something as small as earlobes would turn out to be so important.

7 Comments:

At 12:25 AM, Blogger delphi said...

We actually did look to see if C's earlobes were attached or detached. I honestly can't remember which it was, but I know my husband knows.

But BB has my husband's weird toes. I have no idea if C. did. It kills me.

I wish someone would have told me what to do, too. The nurses did a little, but what do they know? They took a class in bereavement and followed the guidelines. They hadn't lived it.

I wish that we had taken video of him, of us holding him and of his body. Video is better than pictures. And hundreds of pictures. We took less than 10. We didn't know.

 
At 8:39 AM, Blogger ms. G said...

I have the same regrets and thoughts. I will randomly think of something I didn't think to check on M. Plus, I always think of the things that I would never get a chance to know, like, could he curl his tongue? Left or right handed?

I also have wished a thousand times that someone had told me everthing I would want to remember. I wish so much I had dressed him, and not the nurses, but I honestly didn't know I could.

How can you know everything you are going to need/want in those moments?

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger kate said...

((((((hugs)))))))

That's all i got. There will always be these things...

 
At 10:02 AM, Blogger missing_one said...

Just FYI attached earlobes is a recessive trait so if you are detached, you must be heterozygous for the trait and DH is homozygous recessive (Ee X ee) gives you a 1:3 detached to attached ratio.
I make my high schoolers do this with their parents. Its pretty fun.
I don't know what J's were...
I'll have to check.
I was so glad that the nurses at the hospital did so much, some of it I thought was strange at the time, but then very glad they did it in the end.Even then, there are still things we could have done to remember her. It's not fair that her whole lifetime fits on a single shelf on my bookshelf. *sigh*

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger MB said...

I wish we had pictures of us with her. That day is so foggy for me, I have to constantly ask my mom about things that did/didn't happen. I couldn't remember if Gracie saw her or held her. Turns out she did. I'm so glad my mom saw fit to make that happen. So many regrets and nothing that can be done about them...

 
At 2:33 AM, Blogger Rosepetal said...

Like Delphi, the midwives didn't know what to do. They took care of me but for me it's exactly what you said, how can you get a lifetime of memories in a few short hours. I hadn't even absorbed the fact that that was all the time I would ever get with V. I didn't spend time looking at him carefully.

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Mad Mommy said...

I still regret not unwrapping H and checking out all of him.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home