Five Years

You would be 5 years old today. Five. Years. Old. It's absolutely unimaginable. I try to think of what you might be like, and I can't. I didn't get to see your eyes. I didn't get to see your smile, or hear your cry. You feel so far away at this point. Not a day has gone by where I havne't thought of you. My heart was shattered the day you left, and has never completely healed. My arms still ache to hold you.
I look at your brother and sister, and I see how completely opposite they are from each other, and I can't help but wonder how you would have fit in. You and Evan would have been so close in age (but I still think we would have him, even if you had lived) and it makes me wonder if you would be fighting like cats and dogs, or if you would be closer because of it. For some reason I imagine you would be calmer and more laid back than Evan. I picture you with light blonde hair and intense blue eyes just like Lauren and Evan have. I wonder how different our life would be if you were still here.
It is so hard to believe you have been gone for some long. I remember in those first days not knowing how I was going to live a week, or a month, and eventually a year without you here. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with myself. I had a child, but the only way I could take care of him was by making sure his memorial stone in the cemetary was clean. I have your brother and sister now to take care of, and they truely make me happy, but I am reminded of you with every thing they do. You are never forgotten, and always very much loved.
I wish you were here today to open presents and blow out candles. I wish I could take pictures of your smiling face. I miss you with all of my heart. Happy 5th Birthday Caleb. I love you.