I guess I am feeling the need to clarify. I don't really know why, maybe more for myself, but just bare with me here. I think my biggest issue facing my "depression" is the way it shows itself. By that I mean that I am not overly weepy (or weepy at all honestly). I can function when it comes to taking care of E, and am actually very happy when I am with him. I truely smile with him when he is with me. I love every minute of him. But the thing is, when he is in bed at night, I feel LOST. I have no motivation to do anything, and I am generally sad. Not weepy, but down. I have no energy at all either. I still have a hard time going out by myself if I might be somewhere someone might know me (not a problem up here since we have moved though). I have panic attacks, but they aren't really as bad as most people have them either. I guess maybe I would have an easier time saying "I'm depressed" if all I could do was sit and cry, but to be honest, the last time I cried was with my Dr. and before that I couldn't tell you how long it had been. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should get help professionally because I don't know if it's "bad enough". I just don't know......
posted by Julie @ 10:50 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I wish I could help you with this Julie. But it's hard for me to help because I haven't been in that place yet...I don't know what, if anything, would help! :( It's hard to be sad...it takes a lot of energy out of you.
Hi Julie! I was depressed at that low level for *years*, in graduate school, before we had Nicolas. Things that helped were -- getting off the pill (not applicable to you i know! But you may have some hormonal imbalance), taking st. John's wort (gentler than prozac), changing advisors so my work was going somewhere rather than being stuck, exercise, gardening. What i'm saying is that the way you feel, though of course it is tied to losing Caleb, may not be *only* a result of losing Caleb. My dh says that losing Nicolas just gave me something to be sad about, but i was sad already...nice, huh?
Hope to chat soon...
Depression does not always manifest itself in being sad or weepy. Visit http://www.nimh.nih.gov/
publicat/depression.cfm#ptdep3 for a list of symptoms.
You should seek out a proper diagnosis and not worry about whether you're "bad enough." You don't have to justify your concerns to a doctor...you should just be able to present them and get his/her professional opinion. (I'm not very positive about doctors these days...so if they won't listen, either make them listen or find a doctor who will listen).
The fact that you have thought enough about it to want a different kind of 'normal' means you at least think about what it would be like NOT to be sad, lost, anxious or be having panic attacks.
It might be worth trying to change it. On the other hand, no one is 'happy' 24/7. I truly think your gut instinct should guide you as to when and if you get any professional help.
I for one, am like you described yourself but I am thinking of maybe finding someone to talk to about stuff. I don't feel like I need meds, just some coping strategies and a burden shared.
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