Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Soul Searching

So over the last few days, since my dh has opened up and started really letting me know how he feels about thing, I have been doing my own soul searching to see where MY place in all of this is. I think I have part of it figured out. And actually, it's pretty simple. Resentment. I am not totally sure if that is the right word to use, but I just don't have a better one right now. This is the thing, dh doesn't like that we aren't affectionate. I don't like it either. Basically, we lived apart for 2 years. He commuted home on his days off, so he was home on weekends, and that was about it. We both got very used to the other one not being around, and after Evan was born, it got worse. Instead of addressing it, we just let it go. So part of the lack of affection is just habit, and part of it comes from my resentment. I packed up my life and moved up here where I know no one, for him. Now I know that him joining the military was the best choice for our family. I truely DO know that, but at times, it's hard to keep that in mind. You see, eventhough he is just going to work each day, he still gets to leave. And gets to be Evan free. And gets to have adult converation. And when he gets home, I have his laundry done, his food cooked, and he lays on the couch unless I specifically ask him to do something. I know this is a common issue, and I know it can be fixed. We just need to work on it.

So we have both talked about our problems and have them out in the open. Do I think everything is all better now?? No, absolutely not, but it's a start.

3 Comments:

At 4:09 PM, Blogger Jill said...

You are so brave to be facing all of this. It is so easy to keep letting stuff slide.

There's a saying that states (I cannot remember the exact quote or who said it but it's famous and someone will) that a journey of a 1000 miles starts with just one step. So yeah, it's a start and that's a good thing:)

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger Catherine said...

I think this is what my mother meant when she said, "Marriage is hard work." I kind of want to smack her for being right. But at least I can appreciate what she was saying now.

Good for you taking this head-on. I wish you both the best.

 
At 9:45 PM, Blogger R said...

I am so glad for you guys.

After all that you have been through, you are making some awesome, positive steps.

After the trauma surrounding Lucy's pregnancy and losing her twin, we sort of got...just cold. and then we realized we had to make it through TOGETHER. It's so much better when you do it together, even if you don't feel like giving him a back rub at 10 pm after you have taken care of the baby ALL day... (me last night) ;) - and he didn't get a back rub. :(

I know what you mean about them being able to leave, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with her, but it IS hard...

I feel ya girl

 

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