I have been so wrapped up in IM's crap, that I haven't had a chance to let you all know what else is going on. Dh and I decided we DO want to ttc. It's weird, but even with the added stress of having her here, we have still been getting along SO much better. We used to be short with each other, and an arguement was pretty easy to start, but we seem to have a patience with each other that wasn't there before. We both understand that we are really stressed out, and that things we might think are aimed towards each other really aren't. We have kept the lines of communication open, and I don't think we have yelled at each other at all in about a month. Thats HUGE for us. We have ALWAYS yelled.

I was holding Austin the other night and giving him a bottle, and Evan came up to get my attention. He, of course, wanted to sit ON Austin, but I directed him to my side and got him to sit with my arm around him, and I read him a story. Dh was sitting there just watching. And that was when he said he was ready. That he wanted another baby. And more importantly, he thinks WE are ready.

But having Austin here also makes me doubt my ability to take CARE of more than one child without totally losing my temper/ patience. Evan has been insanely difficult lately, and honestly, I think it's MOSTLY jealousy. He has never had to share me. He has always had my complete attention, but now I have to take care of Austin too. So, I have found myself not dealing too well with Evan's tantrums, and wondering if I am truely capeable of all of this. I do know that if we have another baby, our kids will NOT be 11 months apart like Austin and Evan are. And I also think that things will be different when I have an emotional attachment to BOTH kids I am taking care of. And I won't have the added annoyance of IM laying on her ass on the couch while I take care of her kid. I am sure that has to be part of it.

So anyway, I have started charting again. Dh said he guessed we "never really stopped trying", but then I pointed out that we were not having sex at the right times. So he said "Maybe we SHOULD."

So we will try, and we will see what happens. And if IM is still here when I get my BFP, she better pack her bags. It's time for MY family to have some time that doesn't revolve around someone else.