Friday, May 20, 2005

Pretty sure I have been shunned.......

Well it's starting to look like I have been shunned from the mommy and me playgroup in the area. I emailed the leader of the group 2 days ago and after the initial form I emailed back, I have heard nothing. I guess it must have been the mention of Caleb. I wasn't going to mention him at first, but then I thought about it and I know how uncomfortable he makes people (don't you know stillbirth is apparently contagious and it continues to be for YEARS after the baby is buried) and I thought I would "warn" them in advance. Looks like that was the wrong thing to do. I could be wrong here, and I could be jumping to conclusions, but let's face it, losing Caleb is more or less the reason I have NONE of my friends I had before. Not that I blame ANYHING on my sweet baby boy, it's not HIS fault at all, but I do blame the fact that none of my friends could handle hearing about him, and I refuse not to talk about him. He is my SON damn it. Why is that supposed to change because he's gone?? Do your parents stop being your parents when THEY die? Or do you just run out and get more and then you are all better??? That is what people expect you to do when your child dies. It's funny, people tell you to move on, that it's not good for you to keep talking about "it" (and yes they usually say "it") but the thing is we NEED to talk about our babies, we NEED to hear their names and know that others remember too, but people tell us what is good for US and in reality it's THEM that have the problem.

God I hate people............


At 12:00 AM, Blogger Jill said...

I take pleasure in mentioning my dead baby in social situations to see people try to keep a calm face and talk about it as normally as I do.

And no, I will NOT pretend that I have only been pregnant twice just because I have two children that are tangible and it is easier.

I believe I will go to hell for ignoring my baby and erasing his existence and if people can't deal with it then they can just get the hell out of my life.

Also, the people who run these programs aren't always a reflection of the membership. You may have stumbled across a Stepford Wife!! Do you need an invitation to go to the playgroup or can you just turn up?

Hope you feel a bit better about it all soon:(


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