I have no idea why those pics are not showing up in that last post, but if you want to see them, they are on Caleb's site in his photo gallery. You may have to go to the 3rd b-day folder. Those aren't the best pics, they were taken with my phone. I haven't taken the film to get developed yet for the better quality pics.

I have been doing alot of self diagnosis lately. Remember that Zoloft commercial with the little ovals (eggs maybe??) in the social situation, and that one is off to the side, by himself? Yeah, you guessed it. That one is me. I remember seeing that commercial and thinking that sounded alot like me. When I was in highschool, I would not do class projects that might require me getting up in front of the class and explaining them. The THOUGHT of it was enough to make me panic. (even if the grade was a fourth of the year's grade, I still wouldn't do it, or I would find a way to bring it in late enough that the teacher would no longer allow me to do the oral part. I would get huge deductions on my grade just so I didn't have to stand up in front of the class.) I never thought it was anything more than what most other people that were shy felt. That's what I always said, that I was shy. The thing is, that before Caleb died though, I could still function. It wasn't so bad that it ruled my life. I don't know if it's because I focus on it more, or if it is actually worse now, but I think it is finally time to do something about it. Let's be honest here. I don't leave the house to go new places without my dh. If I have to go someplace new, I want to make sure I know where I am supposed to park, etc. beforehand. I am terrified I will do something wrong and people will notice, or I will get in trouble. I KNOW it's not rational, but it's there all the same. Now, here's the trick, going to a new Dr., in a new place, and being able to tell them all of this crap without totally freaking out. Fuck.