Thought I would update since I haven't in awhile. This weekend wasn't too bad. We went shopping yesterday to try to find Evan some new shoes and do some window shopping before our tax money gets here. We went to Old Navy because I need some jeans, and the place was crawling with pg women. Pg women trying on size XS maternity pants. I hate them. I am having a hard time with the fact that we still aren't pg. I knew it wouldn't always be so easy for us. We were always pg on the first try (for 3 times). The problem wasn't ever getting pg, it was staying pg, and having a living baby. So here we are on the 8th month of not using BCP and I am still not pg. I know it could be so much worse, but the truth is, it's bringing me down anyway. When we left the mall, there was a woman getting in a van, and she could barely move. On the side of the van it said "Welcome Konner" so obviously she had just had a baby. Most likely a c-section. Once she finally got into the van and they drove off, I could see on the back window "It's a boy x2!! 1-21-06" And you guessed it, I hate them too. I hate them for being so totally happy. I hate them because it all worked out for them. And I KNOW that I don't know their whole story. I know that it could have taken them years of infertility, or recurrent m/c or stillbirth to get those 2 boys, but they just SEEM so happy. Don't get me wrong, I was the happiest person on earth when Evan was born, but I will never get that complete happiness. I never GOT that complete happiness. My first baby died.
Dh gets annoyed with me because I am so bitter sometimes. I don't LIKE being bitter. I can't help the way I feel though. I would do anything in this world to have both of my boys IN my van. Instead I have a pg and infant loss awareness ribbon on the back of my van.