A Word On TTC

So I have pretty much figured out that this month will be a bust too. I haven't gotten a coverline yet, but call it a hunch. The thing is, dh's work schedule is so hard to work around. It would be fine if we didn't have Evan, but with him, and the crazy schedule, it's hard to find "us" time. And then there is the fact that dh can be a total and complete ass. Actually, I think it goes back to his crazy schedule again. It makes it so that sleeping on a normal, human schedule just doesn't happen. So there are many, many nights where he will say "I'll be right up" and I wake up in the morning to him asleep on the couch. Grrrrrr. That has happened 2 times this week. Right on the best days. I can't say I blame him for staying up the one night. We had WEIRD storms in the area, and tornado warnings all over, so he was worried. So he stayed up and watched the weather until the storms were gone. Our bedrooms are upstairs, so I won't complain.

The thing is, I am ok with not really having much of a chance this cycle. I really DO want to be pg again, and I REALLY want another baby, but at the same time, I am happy with Evan. I know that our family does not feel complete, and I know I will NOT be ok with not being pg for too much longer, but for now I am ok. Not happy, but ok.

I think for the most part, I know, deep down, that I need to get MY shit straight before I get pg and have to deal with the terrifying rollercoaster THAT is. And getting my shit straight will take making a dr appointment. And then going to it. And the THOUGHT of that scares me out of my mind.

I talked to dh about my anxiety issues. His response? I know you have anxiety issues, and I know you are depressed. And then he asked me if I wanted him to make an appointment. I do. He's sopposed to make the appointment on his next off string (Thursday). I want him to go with me, but I am not totally sure that he will be able to. It will depend on if we can get someone to watch Evan. We don't have a babysitter, but I am thinking I will ask J.B. ( one of the women dh works with. I went shopping with her not too long ago, and she is also one of the people we went trick or treating with). I THINK I can leave him with her. I guess we will have to see how it turns out.