My poor little neglected blog............

I keep meaning to post, but seriously people, it would bore you. To TEARS.

The pregnancy is going fine. I am 9 days from my u/s. It feels like it will NEVER get here. I have actually been somewhat positive about things lately. I feel the baby move some each day. The movements are still not overly strong, so if I am not paying attention I will miss them. I have decided the doppler isn't so bad after all, (yeah, I couldn't bring myself to send it back) and have been using it almost daily again. Physically, I am not feeling too bad MOST of the time.

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We finally went outlet shopping last weekend. Dh needed to get some new running shoes for his PRT coming up next month, so it sounded like a good excuse to hit the outlets to me. I had to return some stuff that mil had gotten for Evan anyway. While we were in Williamsburg, I decided to FINALLY stop at one of the Christmas stores there. I had been meaning to stop there forever, and just never managed to do it, but I was driving, and it was early in the day, so I stopped. I was on a mission. I needed to find a new Christmas tree for Caleb's grave. The one we were using has been used since Christmas 03, and was starting to look faded and the branches were starting to rust. We have looked every year for a replacement, but haven't been able to find one that was "right". We went into the store, and I headed straight upstairs. There were several of the mini trees there. Most of them were in little baskets for the bases, and honestly looked a little like Charlie Brown trees. (ok yeah, I AM exaggerating, but you get the point) They weren't full enough, and I was not sure they would work for mom with them being in bakets anyway. (She needs to be able to take the tree off of the base, and then she puts it in floral foam and wires it into the vase on Caleb's stone). Then, back behind this little bunch of trees was one that looked a little different. It looked FULLER. And there was no basket! It was on a base that is made to look somewhat like a tree stump, and I THINK it's some type of foam!! I grabbed it. $13. I can deal with that!! So I bought it. I bought the second Christmas tree for my dead son's grave. Tis the season.

My mom says that her and my dad, and neice and nephews are coming up for Thanksgiving and I will give her the tree then instead of trying to ship it. Hopefully they actually get to come, and then mom and I can decorate his tree then. I want to have a part in getting the tree ready for him since I am not sure we will be able to go to SC this year (since I will be about 30w pg at Christmas).

I can't stand that I haven't done more for Caleb this year. I haven't bought anything for him in a long time. I haven't been to his grave since June. I wish he was closer. No, that's not right either. I wish he was HERE, and ALIVE, and none of this shit would matter.