Wednesday, June 01, 2005

All I can think about

Ok this is crazy. Really, it is. But all I can think of is my chart. I am only on cd2, and we aren't even trying this month (no more March b-days is we can help it!) but I can feel the OCD kicking in. I DREAMT about it last night. The only other time I charted, I got pg on the first cycle, but wow I forgot how all consuming it is. Maybe the thing is that this is the only time we have planned out (in detail) our course for ttc. And maybe part of me is remembering how scary this whole thing is. I really do want another child, have honestly felt the urge since Evan was about 10 months, but am I ready for how terrifying this journey really is? Am I really ready for all the FEAR? (and does it matter? no matter when we try the fear will ALWAYS be there.)

1 Comments:

At 5:15 PM, Blogger Jill said...

It made me smile to see you sucked back in with the rest of us....it's like the Stepford wives...hehehe:) It's a shocker isn't it?

And it is really scary to sit down and have a grown-up conversation about making a new life. It's big and way different than if you don't plan it quite so much.

And you have the 'urge'. That's what got us all here in the first place. If it was rational and controllable, would any of us go back for another turn in the ring? Nope! But we'll be here for all the madness with you anyway:-D

 

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