Thursday, June 02, 2005

Reality

I am having one of those days. Maybe it's the rain and cold weather, or maybe it's just the typical missing my boy. I am not totally sure what it is, but does it really matter? I just keep thinking how is it that someone SO important and SO loved and wanted can be so TOTALLY gone? How can we be left with one roll of film, some footprints on a keepsake birth certificate, and 2 outfits (one with little drops of blood on it)? Oh and of course, a grave. How is that ALL we get of our child? How is this right at all? God I want to hold him again. I want him HERE with his brother. I want him HERE with us. I don't want to be left with nothing but a broken heart. I don't want this to be my life. I don't want to miss Caleb forever. I want to go back in time and hold him more. What was wrong with me?? Why did I let them take him away so soon? Why didn't I hold him longer? God I miss you Caleb.

3 Comments:

At 3:32 PM, Blogger Jill said...

Oh Julie - ((HUGS)) there's nothing really to say is there? 'Why' indeed? How can you EVER answer that? So just give today to Caleb and his mum, spend your thoughts with him today. There's nothing wrong with that. Wring every last memory out of those few precious keepsakes and remember that your arms will never lose his imprint and will never stop holding him. You never lose the ability to shut your eyes and know his feel, his weight. Thinking of you today, my friend:)

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger Kathy McC said...

I am really sorry...I wish I could say something that would make it all better. Just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts.

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger Julie said...

Thank you girls for the thoughts. They really do mean so much. (((hugs)))

 

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