Wednesday, February 28, 2007


Yeah, I know, it comes with the territory. When Evan was a baby, I had mom less than 5 minutes away, and I took advantage of that. This time though, she is 5 *hours* away. :sigh:

We have all been sick as dogs. Sunday night, Evan went to bed, and about an hour later, he was calling me, telling me he needed help. I went upstairs, and he had thrown up in his bed. (this is a kid who has thrown up *1* other time in his LIFE- other than spitting up) He seemed to feel fine though, and he went back to bed and slept through the night. Well, unfortunately, dh and I did NOT feel fine, and did NOT sleep through the night. We were both up vomiting for most of the night. I even gave Lauren a bottle of formula (which I never ever did with Evan) because I was scared I would have to go throw up in the middle of nursing her. Monday, dh and I were both useless. It was all we could do to take care of ourselves, and we still had to manage with the kids. Lauren seemed to avoid getting sick at all, and Evan seemed to feel fine on Monday, so that was a good thing at least. I didn't want either of them to feel as horrible as we did.

And now Lauren has decided that she doesn't want to sleep anymore. Ever. Oh and did I mention dh went back to work yesterday? Yeah, I am a real pleasant person to be around.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Some people make me sick

Baby number 17 on the way..

Monday, February 19, 2007

No Rhyme or reason

I just had a few peaceful minutes, so thought I would try to come up with something to post. Of course I am finding it hard lately to have a complete thought, so we will see what happens.

Lauren is 2 weeks old today. Where the hell did that 2 weeks go?? She is getting plumper, and changing every day. Evan still adores her, and wants to hold her, hug her, and kiss her constantly. We have to watch him like a hawk because I just know the second we don't, he will try to pick her up and drop her.

I am breastfeeding, and it's going really well. Lauren figured it out in no time, so of course that helps. I was sitting on the couch feeding her the other day, when Evan climbed up to sit with us. He looked down at her, and said in a very shocked voice "SHE'S EATING MOMMY'S BELLY!!!" I thought I was going to die.

I couldn't be happier for Kate and for Michelle. Go congratulate them, I'll wait.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Settling in to the new norm

Things are going well so far. Mom had to leave Sunday morning to deal with drama back home, and the inlaws left Sunday afternoon. That left dh and I on our own to figure out how our new family works. So far, things aren't bad. Evan seems to be adjusting well, even with Grandma gone (we thought my mom leaving would be the worst for him since he ADORES Grandma). He loves baby Lauren. He wants to hold her constantly and hug her and kiss her. He doesn't seem to resent her at all. He is totally fascinated by her and watches her every move. It is absolutely adorable.

The breastfeeding is going well too. She is just like Evan, and figured the whole thing out right away. She looks like she is starting to gain a little weight in her fingers and legs. So far, so good.

It amazes me how much like Evan she looks. Which also means she looks just like Caleb. I noticed Evan and Lauren both have the same exact mark on their right ear. Exact. Which of course makes me wonder if Caleb had it too. I have no idea. I didn't look at him close enough. I have thought of him constantly in the last week. I watch how Evan is as a big brother, and wonder how Caleb would have adjusted to Evan when he was born. It brings back all of those questions that will never get answered, and again, I am reminded of how cheated we all were. Dh and I were cheated, but so were our other kids, and it kills me.

I have already had to hear how we have the "perfect" family now. One boy and one girl. I heard it a few times when I was pg, and people asked what we were having, but then, the day that Lauren was born, my *Dr* said it. Before I met this dr, the nurse told me that the dr had been informed of my history and how Caleb died. Well, when Lauren was born, and the dr was about to leave, she came to me and congratulated me, and then she said how she could not imagine what we had been through, and how sorry she was that we had lost our first child, and then went on to say, "But now you have the perfect family, a boy and a girl." WHAT????

But we are all adjusting, and so far so good. Dh is on leave until the 27th, so I still have lots of help. We will see how positive I sound when I face those first days on my own. The mere thought of it is enough to make me panic.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Birth Story

Hopefully I can remember it all, and get it all typed out. We will see....

After all of the confusion with the scheduling, we were set up to induce on Monday the 5th. Well, of course, the night before, I got NO sleep. Dh came down with a cold, and then my alarm didn't go off, and instead of waking up at 5am, I woke up at 6am. I ran to the bathroom, jumped in the shower, and dh loaded the car. We were out of the house by 6:30. Got to the hospital, and they were waiting for us. I was taken to a room, and the terror almost took over. I was sure that I hadn't felt Lauren move that morning. Absolutely convinced she was dead. Thankfully, the nurse got me hooked on the monitors almost immediately. By 7:30, the nurse was paging the dr to see if I was supposed to be started on pitocin. I told her that was what I was told in the office, but that I had not actually spoken to the dr that was supposed to actually be at the hospital for the induction. By 8:30, the nurse came back in and said she was STILL waiting for the dr to call back, and that she would call the office when they opened to see if they knew what was going on. Dh and I were beyond annoyed at this point. I told the nurse that they were open already because my appointments were usually at 8:30am. She went to call the office and came back in a few minutes with the pitocin. The reason the dr hadn't called back? There was apparently a different dr on call that morning. It ended up being a dr I had never met. After all of the crap we went through with the scheduling, to try to AVOID a dr I had never met, we ended up in that exact situation.
At about 9am, the nurse started the pitocin, and by 9:30am the dr came in to check me. I was already at 4cm, so she decided to break my water. It didn't take much time at all for a nice strong labor pattern to start, and with that, the pain. I dealt with it for awhile, but the anesthesiologist was busy with a c-section, and then another epidural in front of me so I decided I needed to do SOMETHING quick. The nurse gave me some stadol, so things get a little hazy at that point. My time line gets totally screwed up. Not long after the stadol, I got my epidural. They tried a walking epi with me, so I was not totally numb. At first it wasn't bad, but I would regret not being numb soon enough. I tried to take a nap, but it seemed like in no time at all, Laurens heart rate started dropping. We had the same thing happen with Evan, and it was because of a nuchal cord, so we suspected the same thing again. The nurse gave me oxygen, and had me lay on my side, but it didn't do much to help. I was terrified, and pretty sure I would be taken for a c-section at any given moment. The nurse got on the phone with my dr and made sure she was aware of what was happening. I was about 7cm at that point. The nurse got an internal monitor for Lauren, and when she went to put it on her, I was at 8cm. Another nurse came in and had me adjust my position, and it seemed to help Lauren's heart rate. Within about 30 minutes, I was fully dialated and feeling extreme pressure. With both boys, I had epidurals that TOTALLY numbed me, so this was the first time I had ever felt the pressure, and it was horrible. I started getting really freaked out and panicky (probably because of the heart rate variabilites, and just wanting it over at that point so I could see if she was ok). The dr came in, took one look, and said the baby wanted out NOW. I started having severe pain, feeling every contraction (like I had not had an epidural at all). Within about 4 contractions, Lauren came screaming into the world. They did not even have time to break down the bed and get me into stirrups.

A Picture

I don't have time for a real post right now, but thought I would at least post a pic of Lauren. Thank you all so much for your congrats! I promise the birth story is coming!