Finally have a few minutes

Evan has started a Thomas obsession and is watching a DVD so I have a little time I think. It seems like I haven't had time to breathe the past few days, and when I do, I am either too tired or feeling too sick to post. Things are still going well (as far as I can tell) and it actually seems like the morning sickness isn't as bad as it was. I broke down and bought a few pairs of maternity pants (because all of my maternity clothes are in SC and I can't bring myself to drive 5 hours to get them for now). I know that I am going to need some maternity clothes pretty soon, and wanted to find something so I had it when I needed it. Of course the entire time I was paying for the clothes, I kept thinking how stupid I was not waiting until my next appointment because this baby could be dead, and I have no way of knowing. I hate that I can't just have that maternity shopping spree where I grab everything cute in sight and buy it right away, but at this point, I keep thinking what a waste of money that would be.......

My in laws have been here the past couple of days and since dh is working, I have had to keep them entertained, and deal with them all on my own. I put up with alot from them, and try not to complain much about the crap they pull because they spend INSANE amounts of money on us while they are here. They showed up with at least $500 worth of dishes etc for us when they got here. I have no place to put all of this stuff (and honestly didn't need any of it except for the really really nice set of knives they got us) so it's all piled on my kitchen counted for now. My ENTIRE kitchen counted. Then the day after they got here, they took Evan and I outlet shopping, where they spent probably another $500. Then they pay for us to eat out at every meal. And put gas in my van. So I try to deal with their crap and not get too annoyed, but it's REAL hard to do. The thing is, they just REALLY don't get 2 year old kids. They expect Evan to act like he is 10 years old. He isn't supposed to cry if he gets upset, or get loud in a restraunt. EVER. And if he does, they BOTH gang up on him instead of letting me deal with it. We were walking around the stores in Williamsburg, and Evan was walking while I pushed the stroller. Well we went into a store, and Evan wanted to touch things, (EXPENSIVE things) so I wanted to put him back in the stroller. Evan of course, did not like that idea. So he arched his back and was screaming (but really not that bad) and they both started hovering over me telling him not to act like that and be quiet. They don't get that if they would back off and let me get him in the stroller, he would have stopped screaming as soon as he is buckled in. I tell them to leave him alone, that he's fine and will get over it in a second, and they don't back off. And the same scene happens over and over again, just over different things.
They were mentioning last night that they might leave today, and I am kind of hoping they do. It's just too much crap for me to have to deal with while dh is working and I have no help. I just keep telling myself they will leave. I am just hoping it's sooner, rather than later.

All is Well

We had our u/s today, and everything is FINE. We have a heart beat, and the baby is measuring right on track. BIG sigh of relief. When the Dr did the u/s, Evan took one look at the screen and said "BABY!!" I was blown away. We have said absolutely NOTHING to Evan about a baby. Not ONE word.

The Dr we saw today was not technically my Dr (but he is the one my next appointment happens to be with too) but I did like him. I have to meet them all at some point, so I didn't see the point in changing the appointment because my dr wasnt there today. Dh and Evan came with me (I didnt want to be alone in case the u/s went badly, and we have no babysitter, so Evan had to come too.) Evan did pretty well, for a 2 year old. He wanted to play with the u/s machine (YIKES) and he LOVED playing with the stirrups. When the dr came in though, he got shy. Dr. W came in and one of the first things out of his mouth was "So you have 2 children?" Ummm yeah, but one was stillborn. I had to point that out, and he apologized and said he really should have read the WHOLE thing before speaking. He seemed really sorry though, and since I have come to expect things like that to happen, it wasn't that big of a deal. We talked for a bit, and he wanted to know what happened to Caleb, and so I explained it to him. He wanted to know if I discovered he was gone at a dr appointment, or what, so I told him about going to the hospital in labor, and him being gone. So then he asked if that was why I was induced with Evan, and I told him it was. I asked him if he thought inducing would be ok this time too, and he said he didn't see why not. He said that he would not induce if my cervix didn't look favorable, but with my 2 previous vaginal births, he didn't think it would be a problem at all. I asked if we could do NST's too, and he said that would be fine, and that we would figure out when we would start them as time went on (but he mentioned about 34 weeks. we will see if I can hold out that long. I will be 33 weeks on Caleb's b-day, so I may need more reassurance then). I also asked him what he thought about me renting a doppler. He said I could do it, as long as I promise not to use it at 3:30am. Haha. He would rather me not bother with one until at least 20 weeks, when I can feel movement and the heart beat is easier to find, but what's the point THEN? Jeez.
He seems to think that alot of extra monitoring, like NST's is not really needed, but he is willing to do it anyway to give me peice of mind. He kept saying that NST's don't really matter, and that things can change so fast. I get that. Trust me, I do. Caleb was moving just hours before we went to the hospital that morning. He was alive when I went into labor. But the NST's got me through those last terrifying weeks when I was pg with Evan, and I want to have that with this baby if I need it.
I am feeling a little better about the whole thing for now at least. My next appointment isn't until Aug 9th, so plenty of time to freak out, but for now I am calm.

Update on J

Dh said she worked last night. She did have a m/c but she told him she was ok. I don't really know anything else, just that she is disappointed, but ok with it at the same time. She also told him that she was just glad that it happened now instead of losing the baby months down the road. I'm going to try to get in touch with her this weekend.

Well, I have tried to call J a couple of times and can't get ahold of her. I am guessing she went back to work (she works the same schedule with dh though, so if she is there, he will probably get to talk to her). I'm really worried about her, but there isn't much I can do.

--------------------
I am so worn out right now it's not even funny. Evan has been into EVERYTHING today. I know alot of his behavior is because I am not feeling well enough to give him the attention he wants, and I try to remember that when he does something obnoxious. Well this morning, it was non stop, pulling him out of places and things he wasn't supposed to be in or mess with. Finally around 11am, I broke out the Playdoh. I was desperate. I knew with that, I could strap him in at the dining room table, and maybe get something done around here. Worked like a charm. The big issue was putting the Playdoh away so he could eat lunch. He screamed non stop for 30 minutes.
After his nap wasn't so bad. He was still into things, but not like he was all morning. He ate his dinner without an issue. Then it was upstairs for a bath. (dh usually does baths, but since dh works overnight 2 nights a week, I get stuck with at least one bath a week.) He gets in the tub, and pees almost immediately. So I have to drain the water. I get the tub emptied, and rinsed out, and then refilled. He helps me wash him, and plays and splashes for awhile. I got him out of the tub, wrapped in a towel, and then we came downstairs to get dressed. Well as soon as I put him down, he ran off, totally naked. I let him go. Now let me just point out that he is NOT potty trained. I am sure you can see where this is going. In my dining room, there are 2 wicker cubes that I keep my scrapbooking stuff in. They are against the wall, close to the table (it's a really small area). He has been climbing on the cubes to get to stuff on the table (since there is a ton of random crap thrown up there). Again, I just let him do it, and got myself something to eat since I was feeling sick yet again. A few minutes later, he came in asking for a wipe, and I noticed something on his hands. You got it. Poop. EVERYWHERE. He stood on top of the cubes and pooped. It was down the side of them, and all over him. I grabbed him and ran him back to the tub before he could get it on anything else. I bathed him quick, and then brought him back down and put a diaper on him. Then I was off to clean up the poop. The whole time, he was trying to help me clean it up.
So now he is in bed, and I finally have a minute to myself. Thank God.

Quick Update

I have been so bad about updating lately, I thought I would take advantage of Evan being glued to Little Einsteins and post. I have been feeling so bad, all day, every day, that I haven't really wanted to do anything but lay around on the couch. I jump on the computer and manage to read my emails (notice I didn't say reply to them). and maybe read a few blogs, and then it's back to the couch. I am sicker this time than I was with both boys, but still not actually throwing up. My u/s is Friday, and the nerves are not helping at all. Part of me feels like there is absolutely no reason to worry, and that this baby is growing, and has a beating heart. The other part of me wants to laugh hysterically. Why should *I* be so lucky? We will see in another 3 days.

--------------------

I got a call from my friend J last night. It was right as I was sitting down to eat (or at least attempt to) and honestly, I considered not answering the phone. When I answered, she sounded like she had a really bad cold. The first thing she asked was whether or not the army base has an urgent care center. I figured it was for her dd (she has a 15 month old) because J doesn't go to dr's. J is active duty Navy, and they are required to go to a clinic in Norfolk for EVERYTHING. (while dependents have a LITTLE more freedom, but not much) They try to keep active duty military close to their base (not their home) when it comes to medical care. It was already past 7pm, so I told her they do have an urgent care, but I was pretty sure it closed at 7. So then she says, "I think I need to go to the dr, and it might be an emergency." At that point, I realized she didn't have a cold, she had been crying. She told me that she was pg, and bleeding. Alot. She said she had major back pains, and was bleeding as heavy as a period. FUCK. She was on the pill, and she took a HPT, but it was negative. So yesterday, she took another one (since by that point, she was 4 days late) and it was a BFP. But then she started bleeding. She called the clinic she is supposed to go to (this was while she was still at work) and they told her to "call back if it got worse". I know there wasn't anything they could really do for her, but wtf is "call back if it gets worse" when she was already bleeding like a period??
So when she got home from work, she called me. I told her to go to the ER, and which hospital to go to (the one I will be delivering at). I asked her if she needed me to watch her dd, but she said her dh was coming home to get her, and they would take dd with them. I told her to call me and let me know what happened, but I haven't heard anything from her yet. This really sucks. I absolutely love J, and can't stand the thought of her losing her innocence too.

I've tried to post at least 4 times in the past week, but Evan's just not letting it happen. The m/s has hit me with full force (ok not quite full force, I don't actually throw up, just feel like I am going to AT ALL TIMES.) and all I really want to do is lay around on the couch or in my bed watching tv. I watch the clock for Evan's naptime, and then again for his bedtime, so I can take a nap. The only time I feel ok is when I am sleeping.

I feel horrible for complaining. Feeling so sick IS reassuring, but let's face it, it's miserable. I wasn't able to cook the past 2 nights for dh, so he had to come home after being at work for 14 hours and make something for himself to eat. I felt so bad about it, but he didn't complain at all.

This is actually the first time he has actually been around me in the first parts of a pregnancy. Except for the m/c I had in 2000, and that was so long ago. When I was pg with Caleb and with Evan, I was still living in SC and dh was up here in VA. He was on a ship at the time, and there were times he would be gone for weeks, even months at a time. I hadn't really thought about that until now.

10 more days until my u/s. Please God, let there be a heartbeat.