Thanks for the comments on Evan's pics. I was blown away at how GROWN UP he looks in them!! That, and the fact that he looks even MORE like dh now than he did! I am so amazed by him, and there are time when I look at him and I still can't believe he is MINE. Unbelieveable.

------------------

I need some help here. I am treading into uncharted territory now when it comes to ttc. I bought my first box of OPK's. I can't decide when to start using them, and what time of day. Any advise? I am on cd 9 today. Of course dh works overnight tonight and tomorrow night, and then next week, if I am remembering right, works ALL days. Please, God, let this be the month. Please.

This is the collage we got done with Evan's 2 year pics. I don't have half of the pics back yet, so figured I would just post this one. (for you Rach lol)

Happy 3rd Birthday in Heaven Nicolas!! Catherine, I am thinking of you and your family today, and remembering your sweet boy with you.

Seriously?

I just called to try to make an appointment for eye exams for dh and I. He hasn't had his eyes examined since december 2002. I remember it distinctly. I helped him pick out less flimsy frames since Caleb was on the way, and we knew how much babies like to pry the glasses off of you and bend them all to hell. (hahahaha that is assuming your baby is ALIVE, joke's on us, yet again!)
Anyway, he has Prism, and when his prescription changes, you can tell. He gets horrible headaches, and starts squinting out of one eye, and tilting his head a little.
I haven't had my eyes checked since 6 weeks after Evan was born. So 2 years. My prescription has changed some, but I can deal with it. My last pair of contacts SHOULD have been in the trash weeks ago, but I just keep wearing them when I leave the house, and try to deal with my glasses when I am home. going without glasses for me is NOT an option. I can't see shit. I would wear my glasses, but there's just one problem. There is a crack in one of the lenses. And I can SEE it. It drives me insane. I absolutely can't stand it.
So I know that no one will refill a 2 year old contact prescription, and I can't see as well as I could anyway, so we both decided we need to get our eyes examined. I called our insurance to find out who we need to go to, and they gave me the name of a provider and told me to call them to make an appointment. I called them, and they tell me that I need a referal, but they will make the appointment first, and I can get the referal later. WTF? A referal?? Ummm ok. They told me I needed a referal since we will both have a medical diagnosis". Then they tell us that their EARLIEST appointment is JUNE 6th. JUNE. Did I mention I should have tossed my contacts weeks ago??
I think we will be calling Lens crafters or Wal Mart once dh gets home and I can tell him what happened. We always paid for eye exams out of pocket before, so why stop now??

After reading Rachel's post about Portrait Innovations, I was inspired to write about what happened with Evan's portraits at Sears. I went to pick up his 2 year portraits yesterday, and of course was assaulted with the 3 extra spec sheets they print up. In case you don't know, these are 3 portrait sheets that the company makes, hoping you will like them, and spend even more than you already spent. They shove them in your face, and talk about how great they are, and how they are only $14.99 for ALL THREE sheets! What a bargain! So anyway, I was tempted to be honest. They made a couple of my portraits into black and whites, and they did look very nice, but let's face it, I had already spent $160 or so. I decided not to get them. The thing was, while I was deciding if I wanted them or not, the sales person/ photographer was flipping through the ones I had ordered. I was half paying attention to her. I had Evan with me, and was trying to keep up with him. So I told her I didn't want the spec sheets, and then Evan and I left. When I got home, I was flipping through the portraits, showing dh, and I realized that HALF of my order was not there. I ws competely missing one pose, and only had another in Sepia tones, when I wanted it in color TOO. I looked over my reciept, and couldn't tell if I had paid for them or not. She charged me for a collection, instead of by the sheet, so I had no idea how many sheets were supposed to be in that collection. I looked online, thinking I would just order the missing photos from the website, since they are available to order for 6 months after your session, but they were $15 A SHEET!! There was no way I was paying that price just because they were ordered after the session, especially since we TRIED to order them while we were in the store the day the portraits were taken. (at only $3.99 a sheet) I called the store, and of course the photographer was the only person in the store, and she was busy trying to photograph a 1 year old, so she said she would do some research, and call me back. 2 hours passed. No phone call. I had to run to the post office, and dh was home to watch Evan, so I went back to Sears. I showed the photographer there the reciept, and the printout of my order (the portraits I was missing was not on my printout, so you couldn't tell I was missing anything). She looked at my reciept, and I had paid for 5 additional sheets that I did not get. Good thing I brought it in for her to see! We ordered 5 sheets of the missing poses, and I wasnt charged anything additional. Of course now I have to wait until April 4th to get the rest of my pics back. But at least they admitted they screwed up somewhere, and are making it right.

(by the way, I will most likely have the pics scanned and on his website by tomorrow if you are curious.)

Someone Always Has to Ruin It

My mom just emailed me a little while ago. When we were home last time, I noticed a sign at the cememtary that said any objects not IN vases on graves will be removed March 15th. I told mom about it at the time and asked if she knew anything about it. She said she would call the manager and ask him about it. (We were told when Caleb was burried that they usually bend the rules for Babyland)If any of you have ever visited Caleb's website, you see that we keep TONS of stuff out there for him. Almost all of it is wired to the bottom of the vase so it can't blow away, but then we also have pinwheels, and windchimes beside the grave. My mom goes out there with scissors and cuts the grass around his stone so they don't have to get too close with the weed whacker.
So anyway, she talked to the manager, and apparently they really don't like all of the decorations because they are starting to make maintainence impossible (someone has glued a huge fish to the front of a stone, and now they can't mow around it for one example). Alot of people don't get stones, and they stick cones with flowers in the ground to mark a grave, or they don't have a vase with their stone, and they just place ceramic statues, etc. on the stones, then the wind blows them away, and they get run over by the mowers and damage them. One of these statues was run over by a mower, and thrown through a car window, where a child had been sitting just minutes before.
So, I get it, they want to protect themselves, legally, and they don't want to cause harm to people. But at the same time, they have taken away the ONE thing I can do for my son. Freaking lovely.

BFN.........again

I have been doing really well with not testing. I didn't even HAVE any HPT's for the last 4 cycles or so. But today, on the way back from Evan's Dr. appointment, I stopped at Walgreens. I felt like I really needed to test. I was actually hopeful. What the fuck was I thinking??

I think we may take April off. I haven't talked to dh about it, but I just think I might need to take a break. I don't know. It could all change once af has come and gone. I am going to look into getting an appointment with my primary care dr, and see where it goes from there. I guess if I knew what to expect, it would make that phone call to make an appointment SO much easier. I probably would have made that call by now.

Evan had his 2 year check up today, and it went pretty well. He has finally started gaining weight and is up to 27.5lbs, and 34.5 inches tall. I can't believe how big my baby boy has gotten.

So last night after dh went to bed, I had a few moments of total panic. I was sitting here thinking about how I REALLY should have gone to bed with him. I was SURE that I was missing our chance to get pg this cycle, and that I was really screwing up. I thought for sure I would wake up this morning with a temp drop, but it actually went UP. Who knows, maybe we actually timed things right this month. It's just hard to tell with all of those missing temps. It's just weird though, because I have never ever had to TRY to get pg. This is all just so new to me.

Dh went back to work today, so Evan and I went to the park with 2 women from a playgroup I am joining. They are both Navy wives, and both have more than one child (one has 3 kids, and the other has 4 boys). We went to a park that we had never been to. It was actually pretty nice. Evan took off the second we got there. It just amazes me how independent he is all of a sudden. He hung out with the older kids (one was 13 and one was about 10 I think) and kept up with them. He grabbed one of the boys and made him go down the slide with him. Later, I saw him up on a part of the "fort" (about 6 feet tall) but I noticed one of the older kids was with him, and he had been up there already, so I didn't worry about it. Well a minute later, I see that same older kid come off of the bottom of the slide, and run off. I looked up to see Evan sitting at the top of the slide. I knew what was coming, but there was no way I could get over there in time, so I just watched. The slide was covered, but I could see the bottom. I saw Evan's little feet hit the ground, and then he ran off too, just as happy as he could be. How did my baby boy get SO big? It blows my mind. I am totally in awe. Thank God he didn't get hurt on that slide.

Things are finally settling back to normal here. Dh goes back to work tomorrow. He's been on leave for 12 days, so it's actually going to be weird having him gone. Evan and I have plans to meet a friend at the park for a picnic since it's supposed to be 80 degrees, so we will have something to occupy ourselves.
Dh's time off was nice. We had lots of time to play around. Friday we went outlet shopping, and I think I got enough clothes for Evan to last him through the summer. I FINALLY managed to find some jeans that fit me. I have been looking for months for some jeans, but just can't find anything that fits me right since I have had kids. I gained 70lbs with Caleb (was diagnosed with Preeclampsia while in labor, so I am sure that had something to do with it, but other than that, I was a pig) and I gained 50lbs with Evan, so needless to say, things are not back to the way they were. That's ok, but they dont really make clothes to fit PEOPLE, so it can be really frustrating. I managed to get 2 pairs of jeans at the Tommy Hilfiger outlet though, and honestly, I was giddy. Of course, the whole time I am buying them, I keep thinking to myself, what if I get pg NOW? I will have just wasted money on jeans I will get to wear for 3 months, tops.
It's really starting to get to me lately that I am not pg yet. I mean REALLY. It seemed like everyone at the outlets was pg (including the woman at the Tommy outlet, and she looked like she was about 9 months pg, and wearing regular Tommy jeans. Needless to say, I hated her MORE.) I hate these pg women. I know that's wrong. I really do, but I can't help it. I know I don't know their stories. They could have all been through horrible losses, or infertility, but since I cant tell, I hate them anyway.
I was talking to my best friend the other night, and she started again asking me when I was going to have a little girl for her. She is single, and ADORES kids, so she spoils mine. I tried to explain to her yet again that we are TRYING. Her response? "Stop charting, and just have fun. Don't stress about it so much." Gee, thanks. She has been so amazingly supportive when it comes to Caleb, but she just really has no clue when it comes to ttc. I just really hope we get pg this month, but I am not so sure if it's going to happen. My chart isn't much to go on. I honestly don't even know what cd I am on right now. I just can't deal with the disappointment right now.

Man, I'm slack. I know it. I'm sorry. I have been super busy, and frankly, not that motivated. We were out of town for the last week. We went to SC to have Evan's birthday party with the family. We figured that going to them would be alot easier than expecting both of our families to drive 5 hours and get hotel rooms for a birthday party. Evan had a great time. He seemed to really click with my nephews on a new level. (there are pics on his website, in the photo gallery). He seemed to be more like one of the boys instead of the baby. It't amazing how fast the time goes!

We got to spend some time with Caleb too before we left. I noticed that there was a sign at the cemetary that said anything not in a vase must be removed from the graves by March 15th. I know they always made babyland the exception to the rule, and hopefully they won't change that. We always have so much stuff on his grave, and I honestly don't like the idea of taking it all off. When it's all you can do for your child, it sucks to think you might lose that too. My mom said she would go to the director of the cemetary and see what they say about it. And if his things need to be taken, she will take them before the cemetary workers get the chance to.

We took Evan to get his hair cut today. He has spikes!! It is so absolutely adorable. I don't think dh likes it much though. It's not a proper military cut lol. He looks SO much older all of a sudden! I went to get him out of bed this morning, and he gave me a huge kiss. God he can be a sweet kid. He's my life.

My chart is all screwed up this month. I didn't temp at all when we were in SC, so we are pretty much just going with the flow this month. Not much to chart stalk, I know. We haven't decided if we will ttc in April or not. I am just not sure what I think of having a January edd again. Hopefully that won't be an issue though. Maybe, just maybe, we will get lucky this month. After all, we DID bd on my birthday.

Wow my life is pretty boring. I guess that is why I haven't really posted. It's not like I have anything all that exciting to say. Thanks for still checking in on me though!